Recovering

It's been almost 5 weeks since my surgery. The recovery is coming along. It's been very difficult (I'm sure most of you know) to lay low and let others help. I've had such a great support system. My husband has been amazing and patient with me. My kids have been good and mostly patient. My friends have been here for me more than I can even say. When I found out right before the surgery that the recovery would be 4-6 weeks I was shocked. Now, I understand. I still need to take it easy....wow - is that ever difficult! Learning to listen to my body has been a new experience for me. I always would ignore my body. Ignore hunger, the need to sleep, pain etc.... Now, I have no choice. I must listen, and I am, even though it's difficult. There are some choices that I have to make now to make life more manageable - it won't be easy - but, once it's done, life will be a bit easier. Thanks for reading - hopefully I will be able to keep up my blog!

3 Months Later.....

It's been 3 months exactly since I have last posted. I just happened to open my page today, and thought it was a bit of an omen to see that it was 3 months to the day since I had last written.
I have written a hundred posts in my head in the last 3 months. Have I been too busy to write? I don't know if that's a good enough reason. I know plenty of other busy women who find the time to keep up their blogs. Whatever. I had big plans for my blog, probably like many other people, to have a ton of followers and even make some money off of it. Well, at least its cathartic for me.
Speaking of cathartic, I will have some more time soon to keep up my blog as I will be recovering from surgery. Scared as hell about the surgery, but looking forward to lots of resting at home. For a couple of weeks, I won't have to make dinner, work, do the laundry, or clean. And the best part....strong medication. Take me to my happy place!

I Wish

I wish a lot of things.
Wish I could write a post every day
Wish I could take my Mom's cancer away
Wish I could be a better wife, mother, daughter, friend
Wish I had more hours in the day
Wish I had more money so that life could be a bit easier
Wish I knew the right things to say
Wish I could make everyone happy all the time
Wish I had a much cleaner house
Wish I knew then what I know now
Wish I could take the pain away
Wish I knew how to do more on my own
Wish I had more inner strength
Wish I could help more people more often
Wish I knew how to take better care of myself
Wish I could say no more often and feel ok with it
Wish I had all the answers
Wish I could be happy with what I have and not feel the need to wish for more

Empty Cart Syndrome

I have been wanting to post this particular post for a long time. I'm just now finally "stealing" a few minutes of my day to write it. Of course I have written this post a bunch of times in my head! I am constantly blogging in my head. It makes me crazy that I haven't made the time to sit and blog for almost 2 months, but really I have been blogging every day, just in my mind. Oh well, back to what I wanted to write about today.
Since this school year started and now that my kids are all in school all day (ALL DAY people!!) I now get the "luxury" to shop by myself. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT!! Especially when I'm using coupons, it's best that I'm alone. But, what I noticed when I first walk into the store, and grab a cart, I immediately put my purse inside the front section. Inside the first section is a flap that you put down to put a child in there or you push up to put items inside so that they don't fall out. Here's my point people....I put the flap up! That means that there isn't a child with me. It may sound corny or stupid, but every time I push that flap up I'm reminded that I'm in a different stage in my life. I don't know why, but for some reason, I get a little sad when it happens.
OK, I feel a little bit better now that I have blogged about it. But, I would really like to hear from anyone who also feels this way...or am I just crazy? Don't answer that. Feel free to comment.

Time....Friend or Foe??

Time is NOT always on my side!! There are just not enough hours in the day!! Seriously, what is the deal?? I feel like I don't know if I'm coming or going.
My whole day is bound by time....
Time to get up
Time to get the girls to the bus
Time to rush to work
Time to run to appointments
Time to take my Mom someplace
Time to get everything done before the next day
Things snowball if I'm running late....I HATE being late! One thing runs into another and I'm racing to catch up!
I can't wake up late, then we'll miss the bus, can't miss the bus, then I'll have to drive 2 hours to get there and back and then be SERIOUSLY late for work. If I'm late to work then I'll have to make up the time...from where????
One day last week I didn't HAVE to be anywhere after work...it was a wonderful feeling. The only problem was that I felt lost...what should I do?? I had a few hours today and nothing pressing!! I spent a while trying to figure out if I was forgetting something. I decided to take a long hot shower right in the middle of the day!! Funny though, I couldn't stay too long, I was kinda bored, and the water ran out! All the other times I want to stay in longer I feel guilty that I'm using all the hot water, or someone else is waiting for the shower.
I tried to not feel guilty about giving the time to myself and I was starting to feel very proud of myself until I realized later in the day that there were a bunch of things I should have done around the house.... like make enough food for dinner!!
Oh well...... Time to start the day again!!

Update

I've had so much to write, but not enough time to write it. I've started about 5 million blog post's in my head...really I have. So, I thought that I would first post an update of sorts.
The kids started off school very nicely and they are for the most part, enjoying school. I am thrilled to pieces that they are all settled nicely and enjoying my new schedule. I am so insanely busy all day!! I have always had a busy schedule, but the way my time is used now is so completely different than before. I am working in the morning and then my afternoons are crammed with a gazillion errands and appointments!! My mom had another surgery three weeks ago, and is recovering well...in her own apartment!!!! Although, I need to shop and visit her as often as I can.
I sometimes try to run (literally) to the store before work to get an errand accomplished. Many days, like today, I finally arrive home minutes before the kids come home. That means that all the laundry, dishes,etc are all waiting for me when I get home. By the time the kids (or at least some of them) are in bed, I am trying to catch up on the housework. Therefore, when will I ever have time to blog???? Right now I should be doing so many other things, but here I sit blogging with the chaos surrounding me!
That is the update in a nutshell....more later.....

Welcome Back

Every school year comes with it's own challenges, but this year seems a little bit harder than others. This year I have my oldest starting high school, which is a HUGE step (considering I feel like I'm still in high school)! My son is now in 7th grade, and younger daughter is in 4th. Then, my youngest is now starting kindergarten next week (why, oh why, do they have to wait until the 10th of September to start???)
The gap of the ages of my oldest and youngest really is quite glaring to me....high school and kindergarten!!! New beginnings but at totally different ends of the spectrum. High school is all about her friends and how her clothes look (love those uniforms)and trying really hard to find her classrooms. Kindergarten is all about playing and projects and recess. But, they both need reassurance, hugs, and a listening ear. Funny how even though they are nine years apart, they really need the same love, and reassurance.
The oldest was third in line to start school this year and I was gearing myself up for her homecoming (there was not enough chocolate in this house)but, she came and had a pretty good first day. The usual, some teachers she liked better than others, and which of her friends were with her, how short lunch was and how she almost got lost! I was waiting for more, for the usual emotional drama avalanche that accompanies my daughter. She has this great way about her that once she starts talking it becomes a monologue...and her voice becomes like all the adult characters in Charlie Brown...Wawa Waawa Waaa. I tune her out until I catch some word or phrase that peaks my interest and ask,"Wait, what did you say?", to which she get's very annoyed and asks me, "Weren't you listening?" Busted!
I will post later what happens on the first day for my kindergartner. I know I will need a lot of support for that one. I also start a new job that week too.
Welcome back to a new school year!