Mad Momma

When I started this blog I picked the title after Tyler Perry's movie "Diary of a Mad Black Woman". I did not realise at the time that I would truly become a mad momma. Let me explain. Life has become even more stressful and complicated since starting my new blog. In my bio I wrote that I have a crazy insane life with 4 kids and a sick mom. Well, little did I know that my crazy insane life could get crazier. My mom has become more frail and sick and has now been living with me for the past 3 weeks. The kids are getting older and need attention too. Thus, I have become mad, mad as in crazy mad. Crazy insane.
Don't get in my way crazy insane! I am more focused than ever in what I need to do to get through the day. Some are hard and some are really hard. I have somewhat come to terms with how my life is right now...that this is where I need to be and what I need to be doing now.
Right now things are very unsettled in few areas and hopefully very soon things will be clearer. Life has it's ups and downs, I'm just keeping my seat belt on. I might me mad but I'm holding onto whatever little sanity I have left.

Next Please

I am so overdone with all the appointments I have for my kids. This one needs new glasses, that one needs to go to O.T., not to mention the orthodontist, the dentist, the ear nose and throat, and the pediatrician!
One of my kids needs her tonsils and adenoids out this summer. Two of the four kids are in glasses. They all need to have dental and pediatrician check ups. That is only the tip of the iceberg! That is not including all the appointments for my mom. The oral surgeon, the primary, the podiatrist, the list goes on.....
I am running from one place to another constantly.
I know that I am not the only one who has this insane schedule. What do you do to manage all the people in your life? Comment here and tell me what works for you! I could definitely use some advice!

My Space

My husband says I say too much information...my friend tells me I give too much eye contact to other people.
It's my blog, I'll do what I want.(sorry honey...be careful, I could put you in here) Especially now, with what is going on in my life, I need a place to vent.
My mom has been living with us and while it's been extremely stressful and sad at times I feel very good about it. I am proud of myself. There, I said it. I'm proud of myself for taking care of her. It gets very overwhelming at times. She needs help bathing and getting around. I am preparing all her meals and making sure she is taking the correct medication at the correct time (that in itself is a full time job..17 different medications a day!)
So... this blog is my only space that no one else occupies but me. IT'S MY SPACE!!! Ya think I need therapy?? Oh, it's a long story!! I haven't even had time to sit at the computer in days...I snuck off to write this while my daughter is in a class here at the library.
Sorry to those of you whom I regularly comment on your blogs...I am swamped right now. I am constantly running from mom's appointments (did I mention the infected tooth that needed to be pulled on Friday)to errands and the kids appointments etc..
My oldest daughter had to "babysit" my mom when I leave because mom can't be left alone. I know I will look back on this time wondering how I am managing right now, but I am in this weird "zone" I guess I would call it. Just doing what needs to get done.
This is MY SPACE...I'm just saying what I want.

As of Sunday Momma has moved in with us....this is just a continuation of the last post really. She went home (much to my pleading) Thursday night only to fall, yet again, in the middle if the night. At 2:30 Friday morning (it ain't my morning) my son ran into my room with the phone telling me she called. She hurt her foot...off to the emergency room! Oh, what fun it was!
At least the E.R. was empty, but it actually made it really creepy to be there. It was like a bad scary movie....it was eerily quiet at 3:00 am and my mom was either sleeping or talking incoherently to me (which of course no one noticed but me...even creepier). I literally thought that I was going batty! My mom had been acting this way since I had picked her up. Either she would start saying something and stop and then forget what she was saying or she would just say things and they wouldn't make sense. The worst was when she started telling me something but she was referring to me in the third person....SCARY!! None of the doctors or nurses noticed this bizarre behavior...JUST ME! She asked for pain medication and the nurse was going to give her but I stopped him and told him that she had taken pain medication only 2 hrs prior....OMG.. can you imagine if I wouldn't have been there??
A few hours later and 4 broken bones in her foot, they admitted her for the weekend. I was relieved, she really needed more care than I could have given her then. They tested her for seizures and epilepsy because of her falling and confusion. Those tests thankfully came out fine, but her falling is a side effect of the chemo making her so weak. Also, the pain meds make her loopy sometimes.
So, for now she is living here, we are not sure what will be...just taking it day by day.

I will Survive

Today has been A DAY. How do I explain? Where do I start? I'll start at my usual rude awakening of being asked at 6:00 am by my 4 year old to play on the computer. The next thing I know it's 7:15 and I need to leave at 7:30 to take my 9 year old daughter to the bus..AAAGGHHHH! I jump out of bed and panic because today I need to leave the house at 7:30 for the day....I don't have time to come back and finish getting ready. That means the 4 year old needs to be dressed and all her things ready for school and me dressed and ready in less than 15 minutes!!
We were at that bus at 7:30!! Then as soon as the 9 year old was off, the 4 year old and I went grocery shopping and then off to her first OT appointment by 9:00 am. On the way to the store my 12 year old son called from back at the house that he somehow missed the bus(not sure how because he left at 7:10)and wanted me to take him to school. I told him that I couldn't take him(school is very close)because I needed to go shopping then. He was not happy about that answer and said that he wasn't going to school...Oh I don't think so mister..get yourself to school by foot or bike! I won that argument!
After OT I dropped the little one off at school and went home to meet my friend whose kids I babysit 3 times a week. She needed to bring them earlier than usual today so I raced home. A half hour later with 2 toddlers (18 months and 3 years) playing in the backyard I was talking to my mom on the phone -- when mom fell. I heard her yell and I knew it wasn't good...she said she was ok, but couldn't get up.(cue the commercial..I've fallen and I can't get up..I used to laugh at that commercial-not any more) I grabbed the kids and ran to help mom. When I got there she was still on the floor waiting by the door. I got her up and settled and then called the doctor to find out what to do. I took her back to my house for the day. Getting her, the two kids and mom's dog all to the car was a scene! I was holding the dog's leash, the bags, and trying to hold the little one's hand while my mom was using her walker and walking with the other child. We got home and with 3 minutes to spare until my 4 year old was being dropped off from school. Whew!! I put the baby in for a nap and tried to help my mom get settled at my house.
It was a long afternoon....taking care of mom, the babysitting kids and my youngest daughter. Seriously, there are days that I don't know how I survive!

Dinner Dilema

Dinner. It is the bane of my existence. I need to know what I am preparing for dinner early in the day...sometimes I even try to plan the night before! When I don't know what we are having for dinner, my day is not a happy one..neither is anyone else around me.
Oh, I have the regulars I prepare...ya know, macaroni, anything with pasta, and noodles with cheese of course. It's those days where my mind goes blank and my family is sick of pasta(I am sooo offended). I also get stuck up a creek when I have decided what we are having, and become filled with glee for having figured that out, when I realise that I am missing one or even some of the ingredients!!! Back to the drawing board...pasta anyone??
I know people who are so organized that they plan their meals in advance...I hate those people..and even shop and freeze meals weeks in advance...I really hate those people!
I wish I could be that organized, the best I can do is once a week I use the crock pot(frozen chicken = hello dinner).
Does anyone have any suggestions? Seriously....my family begs you from the bottom of their heart to help their mommy....for the love of all that is easy and yummy!

Gone...but not Forgotten?

I was out the whole the entire day yesterday, yes it's true! From 10:30 - 7:30!! I knew I'd be gone a while but it ended up that by the time I came home, my youngest was sleeping. Wow, my husband had all four by himself all day and wasn't even grumpy when I came home!! He really gets extra points for taking my mom out with them too!
My friend who was with me took turns calling our husbands at home to check on them...it's called(sorry honey)the guiltometer call. It is where our guilt is rated according to our husband's patience level with the kids and us. It is a very tentative moment....what kind of voice will we hear? Will it be door number one...good vibrations, or door number two...all hell is breaking loose? We were so happy and relieved to hear only good vibrations coming from our homes!! There was something in the air yesterday...and whatever it was, it was good!!
We had a lot of fun, but we were still feeling guilty about not being at home.
After I got home and saw that everything was going well, I thought...did they miss me? I know that it sounds silly, of course they missed me, but because they were fine without me does that mean that they didn't need me? Again, I know that it sounds foolish to even think it....but I did.
I saw my lone plate left at the table sitting there mocking me...I should have been home for dinner... Should have? I get stuck in the "shoulda,woulda, coulda" evil thoughts that make my guilty conscience take over me.
How was their dinner without me? Does it matter? I do know one thing...I am going to try to stop feeling guilty about whatever I'm doing. To enjoy the moment..ahh who am I kidding? I feel guilty right now that I should be making phone calls instead of writing this post!!
Oh well,as my daughter says...WHATEVER!