Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Grass is Greener
I am sitting here at my older daughter's school trying to make sense of my emotions. I'm here with my youngest looking at the program for next year. This all came much faster than I expected...much too fast.
It all started this morning by letting her go on the bus with her big sister..she's been on a school bus before when she was at her former school, but this is different. I then hopped in my car and tried to follow the bus there so that I could be there when she got off. Of course,I lost the bus somewhere, and they got there before me. I found my girls in the playground...playing and happy.
It was okay that I wasn't there to get my youngest off the bus(not with me it wasn't). Then she took my hand to start walking in the building...but a few seconds later..she let go.. It was a foreshadow of what was about to happen...it was the start of a new era.
What is it about today that is making me a crazed lunatic? It is the start of a new era for me as well ...I will be without any children home with me. For the last 13 plus years, I have had someone home with me at least part time... I realize now that I won't have that identity of a mom of little ones. My babies are all growing up...
I try to say to myself...Snap out of it! This is what you have been waiting for, for years! You keep saying that you can't wait until the house is quiet and you have the whole day to yourself, to do with what you want. Ha! that's funny..I'll be taking my mom to more appointments and volunteering more at my kids schools!
The question is, what will I doing with this newfound time? I'll probably find something else to complain about. What does this new stage mean for me? I have always defined myself as a stay at home mom...but I don't have to stay at home now. I guess the grass is greener on the other side...I don't know. I'll let you know when I get on the other side.