Thursday, May 21, 2009
My Mom was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. It has totally taken over my life...especially when she was in the hospital for over a month. Trying to juggle my totally hectic life before she got sick was hard enough..but after the diagnosis, I seriously wondered many days if I had the strength to make it through.
She is now undergoing chemo and we pray that she will be with us for a long time.
There are some days, however, I am taking care of my Mom in a way that feels so utterly frustrating and slightly disturbing.
Let me explain...my Mom has some great attributes like.. acting young for her age, and being stubborn(which has helped her fight the cancer). These attributes also have a downside. She acts like a rebellious teenager...taking her friends car and driving herself to chemo when she is so weak she can barely function....not telling me that when she saw the doctor he might want to hospitalize her because of her extremely high blood pressure. Yeah...and also staying with her friend in the emergency room so filled with people that there are no beds and they are all complaining of swine flu symptoms...I almost had a coronary when she called me from there...She has NO IMMUNITY!! Her oncologist had just told her that her white blood count is dangerously low...and she's in the emergency room!! I was a little angry...just a little.
What am I supposed to do with her? That is the question my sister and I ask each other very frequently. Yes, she is 61 yeas old...but her behavior proves otherwise. She wants her independence..and I want her to have it...but I always have to pick up the pieces of her life when she acts irresponsibly.
Truthfully, this has always been the way she has behaved(hence,two failed marriages) but now with her health in jeopardy it has become more of an issue. I have always been her caretaker in one way or another(you definitely don't want details)but now with the demands of my own kids and husband it is more stressful. I try to balance everyone and everything the best that I possibly can.
Every day is a challenge.....especially raising Linda.